


Living History

by jtav



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Christian Character of Color, Established Relationship, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 07:17:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14515227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jtav/pseuds/jtav
Summary: When the case against Shido collapses, Akira takes an impromptu trip to Nagasaki with Sae. He finds his predecessor, an old enemy, and his demons all waiting.





	1. Chapter 1

_Akira's head was cloudy, and everything hurt. And still the officers hit him again and again, asking questions that had no answers. It was the one thing he had never counted on when forming his plan to topple Akechi's master: the system's unquenchable thirst for vengeance._

_Akira looked at where his hand was supposed to be and saw nothing. Panic stole the air from his lungs and blood from his veins. No. This couldn't be happening. He was real. Wasn't he?_

_"God's decree is absolute." The thing that had been Igor laughed. "What? You thought the thing that you bowed and scraped to once a week was a god? I am human desire for order, the only god that has ever mattered, and my decree is that you die."_

_Snow fell on his shoulders and soaked his through his coat. Sae's eyes were red from crying. "I'm sorry." She stroked his cheek, touching him for the first time the way he had wanted her to. "The only way they'll prosecute Shido is if the Phantom is served up alongside him. I need you to turn yourself in."_

_The worst part of solitary was the silence. Sometimes he thought he could hear atoms moving. Sometimes he heard screaming. Igor and Lavenza could give him all the tarot cards they wanted. He wasn't at peace. There was no peace to be had here._

Akira's eyes snapped open. He lay on the hard mattress in Leblanc's attic, the slightly scratchy sheets tucked around him. Morgana's warm body curled on top of his chest. Rain pattered on the roof. He was home. Not erased from existence or imprisoned. The beatings, the battle with Yaldabaoth, they were in the past. No matter how many times his mind dredged up the ghosts, the bad times were over.

Morgana stirred and yawned, his claws digging lightly into Akira's chest. He blinked and gave as close as a cat could to a frown. "Bad dreams?"

Akira scratched him behind the ears. His best friend was supposed to be gone and now he wasn't. What were dreams compared to that? "Don't worry about it."

"I can't help it. I don't think you've had a good night's sleep since you came back. Are you sure you're getting enough sodium?"

"Just getting used to not having so many rules." That had to be all. "Let's get some coffee."

Sojiro hadn't come in yet, but Leblanc wasn't deserted. Sae had pulled up one of the chairs and her laptop was open. She was watching him. Akira smiled despite everything. Once she had decided to help them take down Shido, Sae had come into the café at all hours to work without fear of surveillance. Over curry and crossword puzzles, jokes and impassioned discussions over justice reform, they had fallen for each other. And now they could do something about that. Akira crossed the distance and kissed her. "Good morning."

She kissed him back, soft and sweet and smelling of coffee. "Good morning." She studied his face. "Did you sleep okay?"

Akira shrugged. Maybe it was because they had only met properly when his life had depended on telling her the truth, but it had always been hard to lie to Sae. "As well as could be expected."

"Oh, Akira." She smoothed his hair and stroked the line of his jaw the way he liked best. Dirty pool, that. Her fingers were soft and warm. "Nobody expects you to be all right after everything that's happened."

"See?" Morgana asked with a superior glare. "Ask her about the sodium."

"I'll manage." He twined Sae's free hand with his own. "As long as I have the two of you and Sojiro and Ryuji and everyone else who loves me, I'll be okay." He glanced at his shoes. "'I was almost erased from existence' is probably a guarantee of men in white coats locking me up. Not looking forward to that. "

"I never could get the other prosecutors to believe in the Metaverse. I'll just have to do what I can for you." Sae exhaled. "By the way, it turns out one of those prosecutors is a pretty big fan of yours. Shido and the late director infuriated him. I told him you wanted to become an attorney yourself at one time, though I'd understand if you'd soured on the whole idea. He told me to tell you to give him a call after you finished your entrance exams. Apparently, the Ministry of Justice is starting a program for undergraduate interns."

"Really?" Before that night on the street, Akira had dreamed of becoming a prosecutor himself, calling the wicked and corrupt to account. He had learned too late that the corruption was far worse within the system, but a foolish part of him hadn't been able to let the dream die. Even Joker had been a kind of prosecutor, forcing the truth to light. "The prosecutors office takes common criminals?"

"You don't even have a record anymore. And you were far from common." Her lips turned up in-a-half-smile. "And since it seems I prefer getting people out of prison, it would make me feel better to know that someone else is taking up the fight for justice from the other end. We need both."

"We do." He raised an empty coffee mug to her. "To justice in both punishing the wicked and freeing the innocent." But inside his stomach lurched as a phantom hand cuffed him across the back of the head.  _You think you have rights? We're going to make you pay, kid._  "Silly to make plans now. Got time to watch TV before work? I missed you."

She searched his face again but nodded, and Akira turned on the TV and sat beside her. The screen was filled with a stark black monolith surrounded by neatly trimmed grass. Even muted by the television, the air of desolation was unmistakable. "Hey, Hypocenter Park!"

Sae sipped her coffee. "You live about an hour from there. Ever been? One of our class trips in high school was supposed to be to Nagasaki, but I had mono."

"Sort of." He shifted in his seat, embarrassed. "My grandparents are really religious and they thought it was high time I visited some of the churches. I was eight, and just the thought of the park, knowing all those people had been incinerated, scared me to death. I closed my eyes when we had to go anywhere near it. Always meant to go back for the history and visit a few more of the churches but…"

"Maybe we can sneak off for Golden Week. If I'm not gone from the prosecutors office by then, I soon will be. Either way, I've earned a vacation."

"Vacation? Sneak off?" His breath caught in his throat for reasons other than fear. He never let himself think of what would happen when he went home, whether all the love he had found would grow dormant with distance. Having Sae at all seemed a fever dream. Making plans for the future seemed more presumptuous than even Joker would dare. "You want us to keep dating? Even though I'll be hundreds of kilometers away?"

"After all the trouble I went through to have you? I want to keep you." She looked suddenly uncertain. "If that's what you want."

Akira kissed her, lips and teeth and tongue showing her just what he thought of that. His hands tangled in her hair. Sae whimpered, and satisfaction and wild pleasure coursed through his veins. No more ghosts. Just the beautiful woman in his arms, to stay. "Does that answer your question?"

"Ah, young love. Akira, I think you better keep this one."

Heat flushed Akira's cheeks as he and Sae broke apart, but Morgana looked far less embarrassed than a cat who had watched his best friend shove his tongue down his girlfriend's throat. Sae made a show of straightening her blazer and putting her hair back in place. "Should I be grateful that I can't understand that?"

"Maybe. Morgana-"

Akira's next words were cut off by the ring of Sae's cellphone. "Work. What could they want at this time of morning?" She stood, once more the professional and precise prosecutor. "I need to take this." She moved to a far corner of the café, out of earshot.

"Definitely keep this one." Morgana jumped on the counter and stretched out for petting. "I like it when you're happy. I, of course, expect you to be entirely honorable on this trip to Nagasaki. Do you think I'd like it?"

"It's months away. I thought it was a really pretty city. The cherry blossoms were all out, you could hardly walk for the petals. There's lots of churches down there, probably more than in Tokyo, because there were so many martyrs. People who died because of what they believed in," he added off Morgana's questioning look and prayed he wouldn't have to give a history lesson on the shogunate.

Morgana seemed satisfied. "A bit like you, then? Only with dying?"

"No nothing like that." His parents had kept up the Catholicism more out of tradition than anything, and he had rode the subway out to Kanda on Sunday mornings more to prove to himself that the arrest hadn't changed him, but the stories of distant relatives furtively trying to keep faith alive by disguising saints as gods and litanies of saints as Buddhist chant had still moved him. "The dying kind of made the difference." You didn't have to worry about what came after. Straight to heaven, no nightmares.

"What?" Sae's disbelieving roar cut through the air. "What do you mean five years? The man stole an election! Yes. No, I want the UFP gone as much as you do. Please, sir. Just give me more time."

Akira stiffened.  _Stole an_   _election_  made it sound like she was talking about Shido, but that couldn't be right. Even if Sae couldn't make anyone else believe in the Metaverse, Shido had done enough in this world to get him locked up for the rest of his life. Sae had promised him on Christmas Eve night that his sacrifice meant justice would be done. He hadn't gone crazy in the training school because he knew being there had mattered.

Sae returned. Her skin was pale even under her makeup, and her eyes shone with barely suppressed fury. "That cowardly, bootlicking bastard!" She looked at Akira, and her gaze softened slightly. "I'm so sorry." Her voice had the same tone as on Christmas Eve.

"What happened?"

"That was my director. The Ministry wants the Shido case closed so there can be a new election, and they're spooked about what names he might name. The SIU has decided that one count of bribery and another for violating election law is enough. Five years. No further charges for him or anyone else. He overruled me."

Wind howled in Akira's ears and the floor opened beneath him. Five years from the man who had sent him into exile. Who had murdered Futaba's mom, Okumura, Akechi, and countless others. He was going to get away with it. Slapped on the wrist with charges they hadn't even needed the Phantom for. Those long silences had meant nothing after all. Hot tears sprang up in his eyes. He didn't bother to wipe them.

Sae drew him unresisting into an embrace. "I'm sorry," she murmured over and over against his skin. Morgana nudged his hand.

It was cold comfort. "So that's it?" His voice cracked. "There's nothing we can do?"

"Nothing except scream. The system really is corrupt all the way down."

"Then what did I fight for all those months? I almost died in that interrogation room so some politicians could pat themselves on the back. Do you know what solitary is like? I know you think you do from your law school classes, but do you?" He closed his eyes at the memories. "Getting your meals through a little slot in the door, listening for footsteps and praying that this time someone will talk to you. Using moldy old textbooks ten years out of date. Needing permission to stand when one of the guards did come. One of the boys hanged himself. Six weeks of that so he could go to prison for five years?"

He opened his eyes. The only sounds were three sets of harsh breaths. Akira felt suddenly very old and very tired. Morgana stared at him with wide eyes, but Sae...he had seen that look before, on Okumura's face just before the press conference began. Someone who would do anything to take what they had done back. What a pair they were, the paladins of justice in a world where a courthouse was still a casino after all.

Sae bowed her head. "I'm sorry. I failed you. As a prosecutor and the woman who loves you. If you want me to vanish, I wouldn't blame you."

"After all the trouble I went through to have you?" he repeated. "I want to keep you." The problem had barely been her when she had been a seven foot tall monster in spiked armor. It was Shido. It was three directors in a row who cared a lot about getting ahead and nothing about justice. Them he could hate and wish to steal a few more hearts. Wish, maybe, that he had left Shido bleeding from the eyes.

It was Tokyo filled with rot and corruption and citizenry just as indifferent as it had been when Yaldaboath had ruled. Where he would have to spend the next month pretending he was just fine and he didn't want the Metaverse to come again just so he could make everything that had happened something other than pointless.

Maybe he didn't have to. Desperation set his mind whirring. Anywhere but Tokyo. "You want to see Nagasaki? Come with me. Right now."

Sae stared at him. "What?"

"I just, I can't be here right now. And I have money left over from the Treasures. Enough for us to live like royalty for a few days. Run away with me. We'll go to the train station right now."

"I—this is insane. What about Sakura? Makoto?"

"We'll call them as soon as we've boarded." And he would put a few hundred kilometers between himself and his failures, outrun the nightmares. "Please?"

"I for one approve of living like royalty."

"This is absolutely insane," she muttered. You really need to get away that badly?"

He nodded.

Sae was silent for a long moment. "Then I'm in. What are they going to do? Fire me? Give me an hour. I'll meet you back here if I don't lose my nerve before then." She kissed him, shaking, and left.

Akira collapsed onto the chair. He was going to do this. Actually going to go with his girlfriend for a few days to Nagasaki. Sojiro probably was going to kill him. He got out his phone. If he was going to do this, then he was going to do this right. First class travel, the best hotels. Everything he had wanted to give Sae when he had been pining for her. Everything Morgana deserved for eating garbage for six weeks. "Want to help me pick a hotel?"

Fifty-five minutes later, Akira had packed his suitcase and thought he had the basics of the plan down, so of course disaster struck. The shopkeeper's bell rang. "You're up early. And looking very flushed and nervous." Sojiro's eyes narrowed, but a smile played at his lips. "Am I going to regret giving Niijima a key to this place?"

He ran a finger around his collar. He was so close to his desperately needed respite. He couldn't blow it now. "Nothing like that. Just trouble sleeping." It wasn't like he was going to be doing anything dangerous in Nagasaki.

"Ah." He sat in the chair Sae had occupied. "You know, you might want to think about talking to someone."

Anger and irritation welled within his gut. "Who can I talk to? The moment I mentioned anything about Personas or the Metaverse, I'd be locked up for the rest of my life. And I really didn't enjoy being locked up the first time."

"Oh, kid." Sojiro raised a hand to Akira, as if he might try hug him, but it fell limply to his side. "You might be surprised. I heard a lot of weird shit when I was working with Wakaba."

"Any of it involve a talking cat?"

"No, not exactly."

"Then I'm all right. I have to be all right." And he would deal with it as best he knew how. "I've really got somewhere I need to be."

"That somewhere have anything to do with Shido getting five years or with me running into Niijima carrying a suitcase two blocks from here? Something about Nagasaki, I think it was?"

"I—what?" There was no way Sojiro could know. He and Sae had been alone with Morgana. Morgana was right here. And why would Sae say yes if she was going to tell Sojiro? "Did Sae say something?"

"Depends on if you call getting flustered saying something. The woman's a fantastic lawyer, but she's not so good at the whole secret love affair thing. Might have to give her some tips." He reached under the counter and pulled out a gray disc the size of his fingernail. "Futaba left some of the bugs, and I confirmed Shido's sentence with an old friend. I'm sorry. I can see about punching his teeth down his throat if that would help."

"It might. And a few hundred other people." He slammed his fist against the countertop. "But I can't punch him. I can't do anything anymore. I can't even get angry. The only people I can hurt are you and Sae. I promised myself that night that I wouldn't take it out on her. Everybody who's responsible for this is tucked away safe in their little offices. All I can do now is run away for a little while. Let me have that."

Seconds ticked by. Akira fidgeted. If Sojiro said no, that'd have to be the end of it. It wasn't like he could tackle him and tie him up before Sae returned. But Sojiro nodded grimly. "Okay. You've got three days. And then I am hopping on a train and dragging your home if I have to. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

The bell tinkled again. "Sakura. May I assume our lover's getaway has been discovered?"

Sae stood in the doorway, suitcase in hand and a flush on her cheeks. Sojiro smiled at her. "Just laying down some ground rules before I let the kid go running halfway across the country to find himself. Can I have a word with you?" He nodded to Akira. "Don't worry. You two won't even miss your train." He took Sae by the arm and led her to the same far corner.

Akira's strained to hear them, but it was no good. Sojiro probably wanted to make sure they weren't going to break the obscenity with a minor law, or at least not get caught. From time to time, he thought he could make out a word.  _Kirijo, days, contact._ None of them made any sense, and Sae's expression gave nothing away when they returned.

"All right, lovebirds. You better get a move on." He slapped Akira on the shoulder that the cops hadn't separated. "I'm appointing Morgana chaperone. Good luck, kid. Hope you find what you're looking for."

And just like that, they were out the door. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, and Akira shoved his hands in his jacket against the cold. Yongen was already stirring as people handed towards work and uniformed students decided to catch early trains to school. No one looked at him or Sae. Without his school uniform, he might have been a college student heading somewhere with his girlfriend. He definitely wasn't Joker, the Phantom Thief of Hearts. This might work out after all.

"What did Sojiro want to talk about?" he asked when they were almost to the train station.

Sae shrugged. "Mostly reminding me that he still knew people who could make me disappear if anything happened to you. He worries about you. We all do."

"Thanks," Akira said and decided he meant it. Worry meant love, and if he could hold on to that love for long enough, maybe he could survive this.

Tokyo Station was bustling with life despite the hour. Akira's hand brushed against Sae's as he led her toward the green ticket vending machine. He reached into his pocket and took out a wad of bills. "Let's see... First leg to Hakata. They've still got seats left. Good. I always wanted to travel first class. You want the one nearest the window?"

When Sae didn't answer right away, he turned back to her. She was staring at the money in his hand. He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

She blinked. "Sorry. It's just hearing about the Treasures is different from seeing you blowing thirty thousand yen on one leg of the trip."

"I'm not blowing. I've spent more than that on the knife replicas. And you should see what the false god charged when he was impersonating Igor." He sobered. "Don't worry. Makoto made sure we were all responsible. There's enough for me to pay for university three times over tucked away in a Cook Islands trust."

"Not helping," she muttered. "At least let me buy our boxed lunches. And something for Morgana."

"Deal."

The vending machine spat out their tickets, but it wasn't until he stood on the platform watching the shiniest train he had ever seen, that it hit him. He was sneaking off with his girlfriend. Akira Kurusu, now with no Persona, was the sort of person who did that. Morgana poked his nose out of the bag, and Sae squeezed his hand once when no one was looking. He took a deep breath and mounted the single step onto the train and his first adventure in the mortal world.

It didn't take him long to decide the premium for first-class was worth it. He stretched out his legs and reclined his seat ever so slightly. Even Sae seemed more chipper than usual, sliding in the next seat over. Akira ordered an orange drink and settled in to watch the scenery for the next eight hours. He took out his phone. Half a dozen text messages from his friends already. Well, watch the scenary while being digitally yelled at.

When they boarded the next train in Hikara, Akira found the seat opposite him already occupied. The man could have been anywhere from his own age to twenty-five. Maybe. His shaggy hair had gone partly gray and his shoulders were stooped. A cane had been stowed under his seat. The other passengers edged away from him as they moved down the aisle, but he seemed too lost in his headphones to care.

Sae noticed the boy as she resumed her seat beside Akira and stiffened slightly. Akira raised an eyebrow. "Do you know him?"

"No. Just anxious to be in Nagasaki, I guess."

But the man turned off his headphones. "It's all right. I make a lot of people nervous. I came as close to death as you can get a few years ago, and I guess people notice." He nodded. "Name's Arisato." His voice was deep but raspy, like he needed water.

A cold wind passed over Akira, and he leaned forward in his seat. There was something weird going on with Arisato. Maybe it was his illness or the way his body seemed both old and young at the same time. Or some subtle reminder of the bad times that Akira's subconscious had picked up on. Or even a warning like the one his body had given him the day that he met Akechi. Of course, it could be just further evidence that he was going crazy.

"He smells funny," Morgana muttered. "Like you."

Akira sighed. He loved Morgana, but sometimes he still wanted to drop the cat off Sky Tower. "Quiet," he whispered. "You don't want one of the attendants to notice."

But Arisato had already noticed. His whole face transformed as it broke into a grin. "Is that a cat? I was always more of a dog person, but it's been so long. May I see him?"

"Yes, may he?"

He couldn't turn down Morgana and Arisato both. He handed the bag over to Arisato. Arisato reached in and stroked Morgana as if he were made of glass. He was shaking.  _So long_ , he had said. He had come close to death. Maybe he had been in the hospital for a really long time or something. Whatever prickling sensation Akira's paranoid body insisted on firing off, Arisato looked like a man in desperate need of a friend. "Are you going to Nagasaki as well?"

Arisato looked up from petting Morgana. "For work. Well, more like my fiancée's work. There's a conference on the weird paranormal stuff that's been happening the last few years. The cult in Port Island, the murderers in Inaba, things like that. She has a professional interest in that kind of thing."

Akira swore under his breath. Why couldn't the travel website mention something like that? Maybe without his glasses and school uniform, he wouldn't be recognized. "She's some kind of fortuneteller?"

"More a researcher. Helps out the police when something happens that they can't explain, helps sort out the frauds from the genuine article."

Akira and Sae looked at each other. Maybe his body had been trying to warn him after all. "You believe in the possibility of the paranormal then?" Sae asked.

"Better to say that I think science hasn't even bothered to investigate all of the natural world. It's hard to tell where what you would call the natural stops and the paranormal begins." He handed Morgana's bag back to Akira and took a pack out of his pocket. Akira's eyes widened. It wasn't the Marseilles deck Chihaya used, but he knew a tarot deck when he saw one.

Arisato continued, "Take these for instance. Supposedly, they tell the future, but they started as simple playing cards." His gaze turned distant. "And my fiancée's favorite reward to give me for doing well on exams."

"Cards? Really?"

"We were into that stuff. Speaking of cards... I'm a pretty decent hand at five card draw poker. It'll be several hours till we reach Nagasaki. Want to play a few hands?"

The color drained from Sae's face. "No, thank you."

Arisato shrugged and set the minor arcana for solitaire.

Akira murmured a prayer under his breath. He wasn't the only walking wounded. Not even the only walking wounded in this car. He wished he knew how to tell Sae that he looked at her and saw all of her, not just the thing she had been at her very worst. That Leviathan was as dead as the Metaverse. He didn't, so he laced his fingers with hers instead and hoped she understood.

Two trains later they finally pulled into Nagasaki Station in the middle of the afternoon. Arisato took his cane from under the seat. "It was a pleasure meeting both of you." He took a card case from his pocket with his free hand and plucked out a business card. "Why don't you pop in for a bit at the conference? I'm here by myself in Nagasaki, and it would be nice to see a friendly face. Bring your cat."

Walk into a discussion of the paranormal? "I don't know…"

But Sae had visibly perked up. "Perhaps. We have a sightseeing list, but it sounds interesting."

Akira stared at her. "It does?" he mouthed.

Arisato's beaming smile was back, and Akira decided that he couldn't be truly angry. "Ir's Sunday at eight o'clock in the convention center. Look forward to seeing you." He nodded one last time, stood and hobbled towards the exit.

It was only then that Akira noticed the discarded tarot deck on the seat. He looked around, but Arisato had already vanished. "Didn't he say this was a gift from his fiancée? I guess we have to go now." He really could be a romantic fool about some things. If he were lucky, then he would get through it calmly and with no reminders.

When he had come here as a child, Nagasaki Station had seemed to be the busiest and most frightening place in the world, but it was positively sedate by Tokyo standards. He and Sae threaded through the crowd without missing a step. Akira waited until it had thinned a bit before sidling close to her. "I know why I want to go to this convention, but why you? I would've thought you'd had enough of the weird stuff to last a lifetime."

Sae was silent for a long time. She looked down without breaking stride. "Too much and not enough." Her voice was almost swallowed by the din. "There's so much I don't know. I can't even talk to Morgana. I don't know why some people can summon the power you have and some can't. Why did I have a Palace but Futaba's uncle didn't? That world has scarred you and marked you and made you into the man I love, but I see it only in glimpses."

Akira swallowed. They'd hardly spoken of the Metaverse or her Palace after the interrogation and not at all since he had returned training school. He'd thought Sae would be only too happy to return to a world that made sense. And there were so many questions he wouldn't be able to answer even if she had wanted to know. Yaldabaoth had kept him in deliberate ignorance, and Igor and Lavenza hadn't had the time. But she wanted to know. For that he would brave even another false god. "Then we'll find every answer we can." Maybe, just maybe, he would find a hint that he wasn't the only one who had ever been through this, that it could be endured.

He cleared his throat to force the lump down "I thought we could grab a bite to eat and go to the hotel. Maybe visit a temple if we have the time. Tomorrow Hypocenter Park and the museums. Then visiting some of the martyr shrines on Sunday before we go to this convention."

"Sounds like you thought of everything."

He smiled at her and for the first time since December, he felt an echo of Joker. "You know me. I always have a plan. "

The next few hours were a giddy whirlwind. They stopped for lunch in a diner that reminded Akira pleasantly of the one in Shibuya and debated expanding the use of lay judges over overpriced steak. Later, they climbed the slopes to Glover Garden. They milled around the buildings that are a mixture of Japanese and Western with hundreds of other and watch fish swim around a koi pond. As dusk settled over the city, they climbed still higher to look out over the harbor. Akira could smell the sea. The mountains sloped gently upward to touch the heavens. Somewhere beyond them was home.

As they watched ships carry cargo to who-knew-where, Sae settled her head on his shoulder. Akira felt himself very still. It seemed a miracle sometimes that they could touch each other in public. So much of their courtship had been chaste, chivalric gestures that were more fit for poetry than a relationship between flesh and blood humans. But Sae was warm and soft and real against him. And none of the other couples seemed to notice or care about the Phantom and the prosecutor.

"We should head to the hotel," Sae murmured, sounding sleepy. "What is the hotel anyway?"

"Only the best, of course. "Nagasaki Marionette, executive suite." Akira smiled at her. He and Morgana had spent ages picking that out. "Two bedrooms, a spa and a gym on site, and absolutely no buffets."

Sae looked up at him. "My director could barely afford that. What were you doing in that other world? You scare me sometimes."

"If you going to go through hell, you might as well get something out of it. Reservation's under your name."

The Marionette was exactly like the pictures, the kind of place that Akira's dad had nearly broken his body trying to afford with its marble foyer and liveried bellboys who insisted on taking his and Sae's luggage. Such a difference from the Wilton and all it had taken was changing into a polo shirt and combing his hair. Being willing to pay the rack rate for the most expensive room in the building probably hadn't hurt.

More luxury awaited them inside. A king-sized bed dominated the first bedroom. His hand sank into the mattress. Cotton sheets too, which seemed decadent after the attic and training school. A mahogany dresser stood against the wall. Through the partly open door, he could see the breakfast room and television.

"Do we have taste or do we?" Morgana hopped from the bag and stretched. "I'm going to see what this place has. And I think you and Ms. Niijima need some time alone for  _private_  displays of affection." He winked and ran off to the common room.

Akira couldn't muster irritation. Being alone with Sae still seemed a rare and precious gift. He ran a hand down her side and enjoyed her shiver. "Tell me, how does it feel to get everything you wanted? Even if it is just for three days? The world is at your feet."

"I don't want the world anymore." Her voice was low and husky and made him shiver in return. Her hands traced the lines of his chest through his shirt. Leisurely, like they had all the time in the world to just explore. "I want you." she whispered against his mouth. Her lips were soft, hot, insistent, and Akira was all too happy to melt against her. He buried a hand in her hair. _Mine. All mine. She's my reward, and I'm hers._

She pulled back, but made no move to leave the circle of his arms. Her hair was a mess, and her lips slightly swollen. Pure masculine pride surged through him. He was the one Sae let see her like this and it didn't matter that he was seventeen or that her blazer cost more than his dad made in a week or that he had nightmares. She had chosen him.

"I should get to bed," Sae said but without enthusiasm. "And make sure Morgana hasn't accidentally gotten into the minibar."

Akira tucked a strand of errant hair behind her ear. "A drunk cat would be bad." He cursed himself for his cowardice. A real roguish phantom thief would have asked her to stay. He wanted to, wanted to feel what it would be like to have her nestled against him. But he didn't. Kisses were one thing and breaking that law was another. And he'd set himself on fire before he did anything to make Sae uncomfortable. Kaneshiro and the interim director had given her enough grief.

Morgana nosed the door the rest of the way open. "All right, enough fun." He yawned. "Time for bed. You lovebirds have the next two days for your fun."

"I do believe we're being chaperoned, Ms. Niijima," Akira told her.

"Far be it from me to disappoint Morgana," Sae said with a smile. She stroked his cheek one last time and left, closing the door behind her.

Akira waited until he was sure that she was in her own bedroom before cracking it open. Ever since his stint in solitary, he hadn't been able to sleep with the door closed. Stupid, but better than cold sweats or he lay on the cotton sheets and waited for Morgana to curl into a warm ball. He was as safe and comfortable as could be. Not that it stopped the nightmares.

_He was in a casino. Not the gaudy one with the neon lights that Sae's subconscious had constructed, but one out of a spy movie with elegantly carpeted floors and gamblers who wore diamonds. He looked again. Some of them wore diamonds, others were in rags. All were focused laserlike on the games of baccarat or craps. All wore expressions of complete terror._

_"Horrible isn't it? said a ghostly voice._

_Akira turned. Akechi stood before him, dressed as Crow and his unmasked face bruised but decidedly flesh colored. Alive. "How?"_

_Akechi shrugged. "This is your subconscious, not mine. I'm flattered you believe I was worthy of some dying grace. But dead men only matter in your prayers." He indicated the crowds with a flourish. "Look at them! Still slaving away trying to survive a rigged game. Did you really change anything?"_

_Yes. No. He didn't know. "We stopped a false god."_

_"A false god, born from the human desire for order. That desire still dominates. Why do you think Shido was punished so lightly when no one but you or the others even cared if I lived or died? Why do you think Sae had to send you to solitary for even that much? Nothing we did mattered. Not you, not me, not the Phantom Thieves."_

_No, no, it wasn't true. All those people he had helped in Mementos: the scam victims, those who have been abused, students freed from bullies. Sae. Futaba. He had helped them._

_But as he looked at the desperate crowd, he saw them all. Hifumi, Shinya, Kawakami. And yes, Sae. She was no longer dressed as the demon, but her face was gaunt and her blazer dirty and torn as she watched the roulette table in despair. "Better for you to have left me as I was, sweetheart. Defense attorneys always lose. The only thing I gained was wanting a half-insane highschooler and a lot of guilt." She looked at him. Her brown eyes slowly turned yellow. "It's only a matter of time before I follow. And then you and I will rot."_

_"You're happier this way. You told me so!"_

_"None of us are happier," said the man beside her. His long coat billowed in the unseen wind. He looked at Akira and it was Joker's mask he wore, his own face looking back at him. "The only mistake is that she didn't go far enough. It's not the courthouse that's a casino. It's the whole world, and the heroes always lose."_

Akira awoke, heart pounding. He touched his face. There was no mask. More nightmares. At least Morgana hadn't seemed to notice this one. He was curled sound asleep at the foot of the bed. Akira sighed. It wasn't true, any of it. It couldn't be. He just needed to find a way to badger his brain into peace.

He wasn't going to find it here. Maybe if he watched TV very quietly, the middle of the night, and the shows would be so stupid that he would have to sleep them off. He got up and tiptoed as quietly as he could to the common room only to find that he wasn't the only one awake. Sae sat at the table, Arisato's tarot cards in her hand. She was a vision in her nightgown, her hair loose about her shoulders for the first time he could remember. And yet, she looked sad and tired. His beautiful, tragic empress." Can't sleep either?"

"Akira?" Her cheeks colored slightly as she took in his pajamas, but she stayed where she was. "No, I'm not sleeping. Thought the cards might keep me occupied until I could return them." Her lips twisted into something halfway between a grimace and a smile. "You heard Arisato. These were playing cards first, and I used to be a very good poker player."

"You did?"

"Some university friends and I went to Las Vegas after we graduated. I won thirty million yen." She shrugged. "After Dad died, I never had the time. And then, well, you know..."

He sat opposite her. "Don't give up something you enjoy. You're not the demon."

"I try not to be. But changing your own heart is slow going sometimes. I don't want to be tempted. One of the reasons I'm leaving the prosecutors office."

Yellow eyes loomed before him. Akira swallowed. "You'll be all right leaving? I know how it is for defense attorneys. Even the best only win three or four cases their whole career. And they don't make nearly the money prosecutors do. Are you going to be okay with that?"

"Makoto's going off to university. I might have to put off getting a new motorcycle, but I barely had time to ride it before."

"You don't have to give up anything." Anything to prove the demons wrong. "I'll give you anything you want. All those things you were dreaming of when you thought you had to sell your soul to get ahead? I'll give them to you."

Sae drew back as if she had been struck. "I don't need to be kept, Akira. I want to be with you for your own sake, not for what you can give me."

"Then… then you're okay with how things turned out? Even though I'm not quite all their and a kid and you're losing a chance at promotion?"

She softened. "I was miserable before. Being the evil villain is not as glamorous as anime makes it sound. You gave me Makoto back, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And a purpose. I like the idea of keeping prosecutors on their toes and making them earn every single conviction. That's how change is going to happen. People like you and me seeking justice from both ends."

"Even though the system is still so broken?"

"Even so."

 _I told you it was a lie._  He would keep the demons at bay for one more night sake of her faith in him. And maybe he could find what he was looking for in Nagasaki. "You know, if you want to pay me back, there's something you can do."

"Akira…"

"I didn't mean that." Maybe someday, but not now when it would be more about comfort than love. "Deal me in. Us former thieves are pretty good at bluffing."

Sae laughed. It was tentative and harsh, but it was a real laugh. "You're going to regret that."

"No, I don't think I will."


	2. Chapter 2

"Come on, sleepyheads." Morgana hissed and ran between Akira and Sae's legs. "We've only got two days left to sightsee, and I want to see some sights!"

Akira yawned. He and Sae had spent the better part of the night playing poker. A better gambling experience than last time, that was for sure. And better than letting his inner voice have free reign. He took Sae's hand. "I'm going to have to think about what I want for winning. I told you thieves are good at bluffing."

"Good at winning by the skin of their teeth, more like. And I have a few ideas for prizes. You can ask me about them when we get back to the hotel." Her expression never changed, but Sae's voice was a low purr that did funny things to his insides. It really wasn't fair that she be both a fantastic lawyer and drive him crazy without hardly trying.

"I don't believe it. Seventy-five percent off? Are we just going to forget about the Phantom Thieves so quickly?"

Akira stopped. A group of girls who couldn't have been older than twenty stood in front of the nearest shop. A sign in the window was emblazoned with ALL PHANTOM THIEF MEMORABILIA 75-90% OFF. His lips thinned. It was bound to happen. Society had been fickle even at their height, and it wasn't like there were going to be new heists.

"They're gone. Flash in the pan. I can't believe we were ever so into them. I bet the leader wasn't even cute."

_Hey!_

"Well, you're not as dashing as me of course," Morgana said, "but you do clean up pretty well now that you bothered to do something to your hair. But we weren't just some flash in the pan. We were heroes. We helped people."

One of the girls bowed her head. "I just wish someone would do something about all the rotten people. About—" Her breath hitched. "Like you said, they're gone."

Sae squeezed his hand. "But Akira isn't. Just you wait. If the country can go crazy for two Detective Princes, I wonder what they'll do for the King of Prosecutors."

Morgana smiled. "Tell your girlfriend not to give you such a big head. Also, we should hire her as your press agent if being a defense attorney doesn't work out for her."

King of Prosecutors? He liked the sound of that. He'd complete what he'd begun under the mask and what Sae had tried to do for the system. Criminals punished openly and aboveboard. Everyone getting the rights the constitution said they were supposed to have. A justice system concerned with punishing the guilty and vindicating the innocent, not win-loss records or kissing up to the rich and powerful. And then the casino of his nightmares would be closed for business.

Akira pulled his jacket more tightly around himself but kept his gaze firmly ahead as they approached Hypocenter Park. It was even more forlorn than he remembered now that children were in school and far removed from class trip season or foreign spring and summer holidays. The grass was well-maintained, but the trees were bare. Akira walked on. Not so very far away was the statue of Buddha, hands upraised, and praying for peace. Not so very far from there, a plain black monolith marking the place where the bomb had fell and the city had been set on fire. The place he couldn't bear to look at as a child.

He wasn't a child anymore. He walked past concentric ring after concentric ring toward the monolith. He knew, of course, that it had happened. You couldn't not know it. Every year, there were pictures in the paper from the ceremony and excerpts from the mayor's speech. It was why the JDF did more disaster relief than anything. Why, some people said, everything was so cute, even the safety warnings. A way to process what had happened and get as far away from it as possible, to never call something like this down on their heads again. But standing on the actual grass? It wasn't just the thing to be known, like who had been shogun in 1690, but a horror like Yaldabaoth. People had died or wished they were dead because of the fire.

Morgana walked slowly beside him, all teasing and charm gone. "At 11:02 A.M., August 9, 1945 an atomic bomb exploded 500 meters above this spot. The black stone monolith marks the hypocenter., he read. "The fierce blast wind, heat rays reaching several thousand degrees and deadly radiation generated by the explosion crushed, burned, and killed everything in sight and reduced this entire area to a barren field of rubble." He blinked. "Humans did this? And there wasn't some cognitive monster making them?"

"And those were the good guys, no matter what the UFP and their buddies say." He knelt as much to look at something else as to scratch Morgana behind the ears. "We can be complete and utter bastards when we want to be."

"But you also can be pretty great." He read on, "About one-third of Nagasaki City was destroyed and 150,000 people killed or injured and it was said at the time that this area would be devoid of vegetation for 75 years. Now, the hypocenter remains as an international peace park and a symbol of the aspiration for world harmony." He looked around. "But there are trees here." And, avatar of human hope that he was, it seemed to satisfy him.

They went to the museum, after. Akira listened dutifully enough to the video presentation and filled in some holes from history classes that had never quite managed to get past the Russo-Japanese War. But all the documentaries and all the textbooks in the world couldn't quite prepare him for the exhibit hall. A replica of the side wall of Urakami Cathedral stared back at him. Rubble filled the archway. A melted, charred rosary, recognizable only by a few beads, the vague shape of a cross, and the plaque.

A lump filled his throat. He wasn't exactly what his grandparents would have called devout. His last, most powerful Persona was the devil, for God's sake. But still, he had learned the prayers from his grandfather, who had learned them from his. His ancestors had dropped handfuls of yen to build that cathedral. They had hidden for so long and been so grateful to step into the light. Only to have it all vanish in fire twenty-five years after the cathedral was finished.

_All sacrifice is pointless in the end._

A soft hand on his shoulder forced him back to the present. Sae. She didn't look much better than he did. "I think I could use something to eat. And possibly a drink."

It wasn't hard to find a restaurant serving late breakfasts. Akira downed truly horrible coffee and some miso soup, and tried to settle the sick feeling in his stomach. He was alive. Everyone he loved except Akechi was alive. The world hadn't ended. Ergo, his actions as Joker weren't pointless.

"Excuse me, sir," said a soft and vaguely familiar voice. "Are you who I think you are?"

Akira looked up. It was one of the girls from outside the store. There were too many lines around her face for her to be as young as she was, and her hair and skin were dull, almost faded. "That depends on you think I am."

"I—are you the Phantom? I saw a clip of you on the news when they finally showed the calling card that you sent Shido. That was so brave and cool!"

A fan. Nice to know he still had them. Akira gave her his best roguish grin. "Mostly, it was really scary, but it had to be done. What can I do for you Miss-"

"Saki. Saki Tenaba." She looked down. "There's someone's heart I need you to change. He-"

Akira touched her arm. "Easy there. I can't change hearts anymore. I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened. "What? But I—I'll pay you. Nobody else will do anything. His father has the police in his pocket. Please."

"You don't understand. I don't have power to steal anyone's heart. I lost the ability. I'm just plain old Akira now." Akira's fist dug into his leg.  _Nothing has changed. You're right back to where you were with Kamoshida and the first time with Shido. How'd that turn out again?_  He looked at Sae. "But plain old Akira will be happy to help you."

Tenaba looked him up and down, and Akira was suddenly very aware that solitary had cost him most of the muscle mass he had gained during the last year. "You? But what can you do?"

Sae saved him from answering. "That depends on exactly what the problem is? Who is this man who has police in his pocket and what has he done to you." There was no trace of the woman who had flirted with him so easily. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine himself back in the interrogation room. "I'm a public prosecutor, and I don't take kindly to people who flout the law."

"He—he was very rich and charming at first, and I came from the country and well, I fell for it. But it turns out that he had lots of other girls on the side." Her voice lowered to a whisper. "When I asked him about it, he slapped me. I just want him out of my life, but his family is so powerful that I'm scared of what he could do."

"There you are, my dear."

The hairs on Akira's neck stood up. He'd met Sugimura only once in the real world, but getting nearly backhanded by a man for talking to his fiancée wasn't something he was likely to forget, even without his cognitive version being right up there with Kamoshida. Haru and her lawyers had gotten rid of him while Akira was in solitary, but he wished he had had a few more days for another change of heart. But here Sugimura still wearing that purple and white suit and with a punchable expression on his face.

What light was left in Tenaba's eyes vanished and she shrank into her seat. "I just needed to get away from everything for a while."

"Among these rabble?" His gaze swept over Akira and Sae, and his brow furrowed. "Do I know you?"

"Just tourists having dinner." Akira hunched his shoulders. _I'm going to finish what I started. I don't know how yet, but I'm sick of you making girls afraid._  "Don't want any trouble."

He sniffed. "As if someone like either of you could ever trouble me." He put a hand on Teneba's shoulder, his grip hard enough to turn his knuckles white. "Come along, my dear, before I think you're sullying yourself. Not that anyone but me would ever have you, but you wouldn't want to make the son of the most important man in the prefecture angry, now would you?"

Sae's voice was quiet but sharp as a knife. "Perhaps it's you who should worry about trouble. Sons of important men fall from grace all the time. Especially ones who speak like that in public."

Sugimura laughed. "How charming. Shouldn't you be having some man's child by now?" He looked at Akira. "You should keep this one under better control."

The color drained from Sae's face and, for a moment, Akira thought he wouldn't have to do anything to Sugimura because she was going to kill him right there in the restaurant, but she forced her breathing to steady. "I think we should be going. I'm not hungry anymore."

Sugimura's chuckles followed them out the door. Sae lasted until they were back on the street. "When you are researching this trip, did you find somewhere quiet we could go? Where I can punch something?"

"Only if I can help you punch something. I think there's another park a few blocks from here."

There was. Konpira reminded Akira of home, with its steadily rising hillocks, toriis everywhere you looked, and rocks poking from the ground. As barren as Hypocenter Park in its own way, an oasis of obscurity in the midst of city bustle. "Do you want to kill him or should I?"

Sae laughed, but without humor. "Don't tempt me."

Akira sat on the nearest rock. Morgana jumped from his bag and ran around on the grass. "But you're going to take this guy down somehow or other, right? Haru was really nice to me, and we never properly avenged her."

"We're going to do something all right. You saw how rough he was with her in public. I believe her when she says he hits her." He looked at Sae. "What do we need to get him put away for domestic violence?"

Her lips were a thin line. "It won't be easy. We don't take domestic violence seriously in the best of times. It's one step above traffic court at the prosecutors office. If he's smart enough not to leave marks, it would be a hard sell even with her testimony. And I know his father by reputation. Always going on about traditional values and smart enough not to leave any evidence if he is doing anything outright illegal. Came out of the UFP scandal with a cabinet position. No prosecutor besides me would want to touch this and it isn't my jurisdiction."

"Lovely. And me without my trenchcoat and calling cards." But he had promised Tenaba and found to find a way to silence the voice in his head. "Just like Kamoshida. If only there was a way to get him to conf—" He snapped his fingers. "What if I got him admitting to hitting her on tape?"

"His lawyers would get it thrown out." Sae smiled, and there was a glint in her eye that Akira had only seen in that other world. "However, I can think of several newspapers and blogs who would just love to publish the recording, defamation laws be damned. If nothing else, it would humiliate his father and ruin his hopes of marrying into even greater power."

"How would you get him to talk, though?" Morgana asked.

"Leave that to me." Akira closed his eyes. If he concentrated, he could almost feel Satanel rising within. "One last job for the Phantom Thieves."

"And it's so difficult to leave people to suffering, even after you lose the Wild Card power."

Akira bolted to his feet. Arisato hobbled toward them, leaning heavily on his cane and looking as if he were about to pass out. "Igor would be proud of you."

His brain ground to a halt. He had never spoken of Igor, Lavenza, or his dream visits to the Velvet Room. The state of his own heart was too personal to discuss with even Sae or Morgana, and his throat had closed up whenever he had tried. But this stranger with his tarot cards and headphones had known and known about being the Wild Card. Wait. Tarot cards. The very things Caroline and Justine had used to denote the relationships that had given Akira power. "Who are you? What are you?"

"What am I? They told me you were melodramatic." Arisato snorted. "Can the crippled guy sit down?"

Akira was too shocked to do anything other than let him hobble to the rock and collapse. "How do you know about Igor?"

A smile played at Arisato's lips, and he seemed suddenly younger. Playful even. "Same way you do. I got roped into the 'I will be responsible for my actions' contract and went on an adventure with wacky hijinks like death cults and saving the world."

"You—you're like me." He had known his power wasn't completely unique. Akechi had proven that much. But Arisato wasn't talking as if he had lived through the Metaverse or an imprisoned Igor. "You mean this has happened before? And you're like me."

"Mitsuru warned me to ease into this. Guess I'm not good at being back among the living."

Akira wondered if he could possibly have heard that sentence correctly.

Arisato turned to Sae. "You're a friend of his? How much do you know about those other worlds and Personas?"

"Not as much as I'd like, but I know Akira has the power in his heart that I can only dream of. I know that our world and a nightmare world merged together, that the love of everyone whose lives he had touched saved him, and that I'm one of only a handful of people who can remember it." Her arm snaked around Akira's shoulders, warm and strong. "And I know that I'll do everything I can to protect him in this world now that he's back."

_Now that she's messed you up and it blew up in her face._

Akira forced the thought away. "What do you want from me? The Metaverse is gone, if you were hoping to bring the Phantom back."

"No. I came out here on Kirijo Group business, and then I saw you. My fiancée takes a lot of interest in this stuff. We did our best to keep an eye on you." He bowed his head. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I—the Shadow Operatives—wanted to apologize."

Kirijo? Where had he heard that name before? "What for? Spying on me?"

"Oh we never apologize for that," he said dryly. "But it never should have been you taking on the conspiracy all by yourself. We have connections. But Mitsuru poured everything she had into freeing me. By the time I was and by the time I could walk, you had turned yourself in. I'm sorry."

Akira opened his mouth and nothing came out.

"I just… Maybe you want to vent? One Wild Card to another?"

Did he want to vent? He had bottled it up for weeks. The training school psychiatrists would have made sure he never got out, and any reputable shrink would've locked him back up. His friends had their own problems, Morgana was a cat and Sae...Sae blamed herself enough as it was. But if Arisato wasn't lying, then he knew what it was like, really knew, to be anointed a chosen one for reasons he couldn't understand, and have what was supposed to be fun turned to ashes. If this all wasn't some kind of joke or trick.

Morgana sniffed. "Now I know why he smelled like you. You two are the same. And a little like the Velvet Room."

Good enough for him. "Would you guys leave us alone for a minute?"

"Are you kidding? Another Wild Card? I want to-"

Sae scooped Morgana into her arms. "I think I want to hike a little further along. We won't be far if you need us." Clutching a squirming Morgana and wearing an expression that Akira had never seen before, she headed toward a clump of trees. And then he and a man he had just met but who might be the only one to understand him, were left alone."

"So…" Arisato said with a tired shrug. "You want to talk?"

They did. Akira told his story for the second time: the thrill of finally being able to do something about Kamoshida, changing hideouts half a dozen times to stay ahead of the police, the relief of being able to heal Futaba and Sae, the horror of watching Okumura claw at his own eyes, fighting a false god. He listened to Arisato's story and his eyes nearly popped from his head. People that turned into coffins, Tartarus, dreading the end not just for days but for an entire month.

"And that scrap of Nyx inside me meant that I was the only one who could seal her away." His voice was quiet, his eyes far away. "Six years to bring me back from that. Mitsuru tries to help me but I still can't even figure out Webflix."

"Wow. you win." He'd actually died and come back? Not just disappeared for a few minutes. "How did they, you know, un-statue you?"

"I don't know. Probably something Elizabeth did. Not sure it really matters. Especially when I'm supposed to be helping you out here. It's not like it's a trauma competition."

"Sorry... I just...how are we supposed to cope with stuff like this? Just go back and pretend to be normal teenagers after we face stuff from the part of people's heads that gives them nightmares? After being heroes? You and this Mitsuru are engaged, right? How did that happen?" How do I get my happy ending?

Arisato smirked. "Well, you might want to wait three years say you can do it without your parents' permission." He frowned. "The Kirijo Group's used to this kind of thing. Mitsuru found a shrink who believes me, or says he does. Mostly, I just try not to think about it too much. Concentrate on the wedding, helping the friends who are still alive."

"So, you don't miss the Persona stuff? Being a hero?"

"Not really, no." He fidgeted. "It wasn't the same for me. We were fighting to save the world, right from the start. I helped a lot of people, but it was always as myself. My powers weren't really good for stopping people from killing themselves or anything like that."

"Right back to square one." Akira scowled. Maybe he was doomed after all. Maybe this was the price of being a Wild Card: he would have to put up with the nightmares and feelings of uselessness the same way Arisato put up with his limp. No choice but to offer himself in all his brokenness to Sae and everyone else who loved him. And who wanted a broken Phantom?

"I do think you're on the right track, trying to stop that-Sugimura was it? I know the guy. Keeps trying to find a way to worm himself into Kirijo business. Total asshole and really pissed that he couldn't just marry into it."

"Yeah, he's like that."

"I was supposed to meet with him today, but you know I think I'm feeling a little tired and will send my intern with apologies and a little gift." He winked at Akira.

Oh. Oh. Akira grinned. He decided he liked Arisato and they would probably be pretty good pals if they could make time for it. "And the intern will be all too happy to bitch about how high and mighty his girlfriend is and how they need to be taken in hand. Which reminds me, you left your card deck on the train. It's at my hotel room if you want to come get it."

"It is? I thought I had lost that thing forever. Oh, thank you! Bring it with you when you come to the conference tomorrow. I can sneak you some spiked punch and we can celebrate Sugimura's well-deserved downfall. His eyes darkened, and Akira imagined that he could see a white-haired demon in his pupils. "Never could stand a man who mistreated a woman, especially his girlfriend."

A few minutes later, Sae and Morgana emerged from the trees. Morgana had leaves stuck to his coat, but looked like someone had given him a hundred cans of tuna. Sae's skin was flushed and her eyes crinkled with barely suppressed laughter. "I haven't had a chance to hike like this in a while. We're definitely coming back for Golden Week!"

"Yeah, and I killed and an enormous rat that was menacing Ms. Niijima all on my own." Morgana turned in a circle. "You may fete me for my heroics at your leisure."

Sae sobered. "Did-did talking help?"

Akira shrugged. "A little. Like getting some of the dust out of your computer." He twined his fingers with hers. "I just need to hold on to you. Turns out true love has a lot to do with keeping us Wild Cards sane when we go back to being civilians. So does kicking an annoying little twerp's ass."

"I have to admit that I'm looking forward to that part." The funny look was back on Sae's face. "It really helped?"

"Of course it did. I'll be right as rain Akira in no time."

"You know, I could probably convince one of those shrinks to come to Tokyo for a while."

Akira waved him away. "I'm leaving in a few weeks. Can't imagine anybody wants to practice in the middle of nowhere. He stood. "It was an absolute honor to meet you, and I will definitely take you up on that punch tomorrow night. Now, I think I need to go put the fear of Joker into a certain twerp. Want to help?"

An hour later, he stood in the lobby of Sugimura Enterprises. It looked just like every other self-important office building he had ever been in: men and women in dark suits, a statue of a guy who was probably Sugimura's grandfather, and a haughty receptionist glaring at him from an impossibly large desk. All they needed was a fountain. Akira clutched the bottle of expensive wine Arisato had given him. "Ren Amamiya from the Kirijo Group to see Mr. Sugimura."

"Kirijo? Please tell me that they've finally come to their senses." The receptionist glared at him. "Leave your gift with me, and I'll see that it gets to him."

Akira shook his head. "No, I'm under strict instructions to deliver this to Mr. Sugimura personally." He leaned over the desk and dropped his voice to a whisper. "Shouting Falcon Cabernet. Costs more than you or I'll make in a decade. And you know how these rich jerks are if something goes wrong."

"But protocol..."

"Please, Arisato is a real hardass."

"I heard that." Arisato muttered.

Sae shushed him. "We are receiving. How the hell did Futaba cook up a surveillance app this good?"

"Kirijo Group tech is still better."

"I said keep quiet. Weren't you supposed to be some kind of professional?"

The receptionist looked around. "Okay. I'll buzz Mr. Sugimura and tell him that he has a gift coming. His office is on the top floor, second door on your right. Go straight there and straight back. If he's the slightest bit displeased with you, I was on my smoke break and you entered without authorization. Got that?"

"Got it."

Akira listened to his nominal handlers continue bickering over his earpiece as he rode the elevator to the top floor. More luxury awaited him. Marble floors gave way to Persian rugs and paintings on the wall that Yusuke would no doubt tell him were extremely valuable. How greedy did you have to be to not be satisfied with this and want to marry a teenaged girl so you could get even more money?

Sae cut in. "All right. Remember, you need to get Sugimura to confess to hitting Tenaba. Just going on and on about a woman's proper place isn't going to scandalize anyone who already wasn't going to vote for his father. He has to confess to an actual crime."

"Right," Akira whispered. "I have to get him to say something that would alienate the misogynistic asshole vote." He hunched his shoulders and bowed his head, trying to become once more the quiet boy who was just trying to keep his head down in a world that had already turned on him. He wished he had brought his glasses. Nothing to do but press on. He knocked.

Sugimura sat behind another impossibly large desk, surrounded by furniture that looked way too uncomfortable to actually use and floor-to-ceiling windows that provided an impressive view of the skyline. He didn't get up. "I remember you. The man Saki was talking to at the restaurant, the one with the annoying companion." He peered at Akira. "Are you certain that we haven't met before?"

Akira bowed. "Quite certain, sir. I'm certain I would remember meeting such an illustrious personage." He added a slight tremor to his voice as he held out the wine bottle. "Take this with the compliments of the Kirijo Group."

"Kirijo, eh?" He motioned for Akira to put the wine bottle on the desk. "Another woman busying herself with things that don't concern her. No wonder she's engaged to some crippled husk. No virile man would put up with such nonsense."

Arisato hissed. "I'm going to kill him."

Akira put the bottle on the desk and closed the door most of the way, leaving only a small crack. At least Sugimura was giving him a good opening. "Tell me about it. Always bossing me around." A thought flittered at the edge of his mind. He had heard that name before today. Where? "And my girlfriend...I am surrounded by women who want to rip my balls off."

"That's your problem, isn't it? Allowing them to dominate you?"

Akira swallowed.  _Forgive me, sweetheart_. "Well, Kirijo pays the bills and have you seen my girlfriend? Total hottie. You should see how the other guys look at her. I'm king of the castle!" He made his voice low and slimy, like Kaneshiro's Shadow had been. "And just as fiery in private, if you take my meaning. Just wish it was easier to control her in public."

"Always a risk. Women who are the most pleasing in bed are the ones most likely not to be content with their natural roles serving us. Honestly, she reminds me of a prosecutor my father was always going on about. Nii-something. Nearly ruined us with her snooping. And to think we almost had utopia under Shido. He would have put her in her place."

"I'll put you in your place, you little weasel."

Akira shook his head. For Haru, for Tenaba, he was going to finish what he had started. "It looked to me like you had your girlfriend under control. You've got to tell me how you did it."

"Easy enough when you're one of the elite. Hand me that corkscrew, would you? All this talk of women cause for a good drink. I'd offer you one but-"

Akira obeyed. "I exist to serve you, not drink with you."

"Exactly." He popped open the wine and grabbed a glass from a sideboard at one wall. "The trick with women is to always remember what their purpose is and treat them accordingly. Some-the highborn who manage not to defile themselves-are the girls you marry. Always for children and alliances. He downed his drink. "The rest are for fun. Flatter them just enough to get them into bed, have your fun, and cast them aside when the time comes."

Akira swallowed the bile in his throat. Monster. The only thing separating him from Shido was that Shido was smarter. "But they kick up such a horrible fuss. And they still demand their own way no matter how many dinners you buy them."

"Not if you do it right. Sometimes you have to remind them who's in charge. The trick is to do it in such a way that you don't draw attention. Easier for someone like me, but possible even for riffraff." He poured another drink. "This is truly excellent wine." He sauntered towards Akira, already unsteady on his feet. "The best I've had today."

Akira reached into his pocket and double checked that his phone's mic was turned all the way up. "So how do you control a woman without getting caught?"

"I really shouldn't say, especially when anyone might wander by. My family lost a lot of influence when Shido and his allies were defamed."

"But you want to. The entire country is going to hell. Politics failed us. The only hope we have is to reclaim our glory one person at a time."

Sugimura was silent for a long time. "You're quite right," he said at last and shut the door.

The sound reverberated in Akira's head. It didn't sound like an office door. It sounded like a jail cell slamming shut. He balled his fists. He couldn't crack up now when he was so close to getting a confession. It wasn't a real prison. He could walk away. Those days were over.

"First, never leave a mark, especially if she's anywhere near your social class..."

_The cops jabbed a needle into his neck, and fire filled his blood. One of the detectives grabbed him by the jaw. "Talk! Talk and we'll leave enough of your face for your friends to recognize."_

"The easiest way is to keep reminding her how she's nothing without you."

_"You idiot boy," said the Igor with glowing eyes. "I gave you your power. You were merely pawns in my game."_

"Rumors, the right word to the right person can see that she loses her job or her apartment and make her properly dependent on you."

_Sae kissed him. "I'm sorry. You have to be punished. They're jealous. I guess the world hasn't changed."_

His throat closed, and cold sweat trickled down his face. He was back there in that cell. He was going to die, alone and forgotten, for the sake of justice. He clawed at his neck. But the vise around his throat and the pressure in his lungs only grew. Drowning in fear.

"Akira!" Sae's voice sounded as if it was coming through water. "Are you all right?"

More shouting somewhere above him. Sugimura? Footsteps sounded, the door flew open, and iron grips seized him by the arm. Akira thrashed, but the grips only held him tighter. He was back in the station, but this time he didn't have a magic plan to save his life.

"Do you have any idea how much this rug costs? I'll be in touch with Kirijo about this. Get him out of here!"

Akira blinked. He wasn't in the interrogation room or a prison cell. He was in Sugimura's office staring down at a puddle of vomit as two men in suits dragged him from the room. What had he done? Normal people didn't have their brain go into rewind. And for what? A closed door? Useless. Broken. Sniveling Akira. Nothing without his Persona.

Sae and Arisato were waiting in the lobby. Arisato's smile was tight. "I apologize. My assistant has been very ill lately. We will of course compensate Mr. Sugimura for the damages."

The next few minutes were a blur of sensation: of Sae all but carrying him out the door, loud, indistinct chatter on the street, being forced to sit in a hard chair at an outdoor café, a cold drink being shoved into his hands. But mostly, a great howling void that threatened to swallow him whole. _You will die in the interrogation room, in the Velvet Room, in solitary as you will never be free of them. Look at the cripple. That's what you are. Just on the inside. And you didn't even accomplish anything._

"Easy, Kurusu." Arisato's voice was soft. "Nice, slow sips so you don't choke."

Sae pulled up a chair next to him, and put an arm around his shoulder as if she were afraid he was going to fall out of his chair. "What happened?"

"I don't know. "His voice barely sounded human to his ears. "He closed the door and we were talking about girls and I… cracked."

"Cracked? Cracked how?"

"It doesn't matter. Did we get him?"

Sae and Arisato looked at each other. The silence slammed between them like a gavel. "What you got him to say was humiliating," Sae said at last. "It would embarrass any decent person."

That wasn't a yes. "But?"

She sighed. "Talking about how a woman should be treated in theory isn't a crime. No sane publisher would risk the defamation suit."

"What?" He had nodded along with the worst kind of misogyny. He had been thrust back into that nightmare world, if only in his own mind. He had thrown up like a little kid at a scary movie. For nothing?

"I'm sorry." Sae had the same look on her face that she had worn on Christmas Eve. "The system has to be slapped in the face before it stops protecting its own."

"The system?" The void grew wilder and darker, and there was a sound like snapping chains somewhere nearby. He closed his eyes. Let the darkness come then if it were all he could have. It wasn't just him that was broken, was it? It was the whole world. All just a rigged casino where men like him lost everything. "The system is what made me crack! Your precious justice. Except you were right the first time. I rotted in that place for weeks. Do you understand? For you to slap Shido on the wrist! I don't know which of us is stupider: you for not being able to get the job done or me for falling in love with my jailer!"

Sae stood up, and Akira opened his eyes. The color had drained from her face. She didn't look shocked or furious. She looked defeated. "What have I done?" she whispered.

The void receded, and exhaustion and grief replaced fury. No, he didn't want this. Didn't want more people he loved to be dragged down. What had she done? What had  _he_ done? Akira stood on unsteady legs. "I'm sorry. I'll go now. It was a mistake to come here." And before they could say anything, he ran.

What had he done? Oh, he knew the answer to that. Maybe he had always known it. The Phantom's heart had become distorted, and there would be no Treasure to steal and save him.


	3. Chapter 3

Morgana pawed at Akira's face just hard enough for his claws to sting. "Get up. You can't stay in bed all day."

"Try me." He reached for the pillow to swat away the offending cat, but Morgana dodged to the side with a yowl. Midmorning sunlight struck Akira's face. Everything after Sugimura's office was a blur. He had shouted at Sae, he remembered that much, and now she was avoiding him. Some rational part of him conceded that this was probably smart, but mostly he had been hollowed out by the rage and fear and the memories that came unbidden. Staying here for the rest of the day sounded like a great idea. Maybe he could stay forever.

Morgana peered at him. "You don't look so good. Are you sick?"

Sick sounded about right. He wondered if any of his targets had ever felt sick from the corruption in their hearts, or that the very nature of their sociopathy meant that they had been able to live with songs in their hearts until the Phantom Thieves had shown up. "Maybe." He propped himself on his elbow with considerable effort. "You're the avatar of human hope. How do you have hope when the world is so messed up, you're messed up, and you don't have the magic powers that could fix things anymore?"

Morgana was silent for a long time. Just when Akira thought he had stunned him into silence, Morgana nuzzled and licked his hand, his rough tongue suddenly almost too real. "You let the people who love you help you."

"Even though I'm not Joker with all the answers?"

"Did you ever have all the answers?" He nudged harder, all but forcing Akira to pet him. "I think Yaldabaoth messed you up in the head."

"Being erased from existence will do that to you."

"No, I mean before that. He told you to gain allies in your battle against society, and that was what would power your Personas. Sure, those people became your friends, but it started out as deals, and I think part of you still thinks they only like you because of what you can do for them." He burrowed into Akira's hand. "I don't, by the way. I love you. I'm pretty sure Ms. Niijima feels the same way."

Sae. He may not have remembered his exact words, but he remembered the anger and despair washing over him as he had yelled at her. And he could remember her recoiling as if she had been struck. He had vowed never to blame her for what he had suffered and to try his best to build a life with her. But it seemed he had broken that promise. "I hurt her. How could she still love me?"

"Like I said, he definitely messed you up big time. It's because somebody loves you that they stay by you even when you hurt them sometimes. You forgave me when I left and joined up with Haru, right? You forgave Akechi for trying to kill you. I'm pretty sure Ms. Niijima can take you screaming."

"Point taken." His body still felt heavy. He had been Joker, the avenging angel, for so long that mercy seemed a strange and almost indulgent concept. But the thought of life without Sae after everything they had both endured frightened him even more. "I'll just talk to her, shall I?" He changed his clothes, brushed his hair until it was almost respectable, and went off in search of his girlfriend.

Her door was closed. So she hadn't left the hotel yet. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he knocked. She might not want to see him, might be plotting to leave him behind in Nagasaki, but he had to at least grovel, even if the thought made his hands sweat. Seconds ticked by, and the silence thickened as he waited.

Finally, the door opened. Sae had changed into a button-up shirt and khakis that were almost casual by her standards. She was pale, but there was no redness in her eyes. He wished they could read her face better. She exhaled. "Akira." She didn't sound angry, just tired and a little nervous.

It was better than the alternative. "Can—can we talk?"

"I think we have to. Common room?"

He sat at the table, and Sae slid into the chair opposite. More silence, and Akira found himself focusing on the tarot deck in the middle of the table where it had been left the night before. An upside down six of swords peeked out of the box. He ran his finger over the edge in an attempt to calm his nerves. "I don't really remember what I said because it's all a jumble after I left the office, but I know I said some pretty bad things. I'm sorry."

"You did." Her lips were a thin line. "The hell is that most of it was true. I jailed you, and I wasn't strong enough to make good come from evil." She let out a shuddering breath. "I apologized for failing you, but I think now that I should have apologized for asking you to turn yourself in in the first place. Shido was never going to be a threat again regardless, and I knew they would put you in protective custody. And solitary...there's a reason some places have abolished it. The system tortured you twice over, and you're living with the consequences."

Akira opened his mouth and closed it again. Of all the ways he had imagined this conversation going, Sae apologizing to him hadn't been one of them. "No. Don't. I'm the one who couldn't keep his mouth shut."

"Look, I'm not saying you weren't cruel in the way you said it, or that we can just pretend nothing happened, but I did let you be hurt terribly in my quest for justice." She looked down at the deck. "Which might just be my desire to win changed up a different way than before. The casino is still open for both of us. And things _can't_  continue as they are."

"Then what do I do? I tried be a hero, but I couldn't even take Sugimura closing the door on me without cracking up."

"Closing the door?"

Akira shifted, embarrassed. "I go a little crazy when the door isn't cracked a bit. It's like I'm back there in the training school. Silly, I know."

Sae's eyes widened, and Akira shrank in his seat. He'd finally admitted to being crazy, and it was going to cost him everything. But Sae covered his hand with hers, her fingers warm and soft but shaking. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You've got enough on your plate. You don't need me making things harder for you."

"Maybe I want you on my plate." Her fingers twined with his. When she spoke again, her voice was as soft as Akira had ever heard it. "You're sick, like I was sick. Do you remember me carrying you inside Takemi's clinic after the interrogation? It didn't make you weak. Let me carry you for a little while now."

Some part of him could imagine Joker giving the same speech to her, if the situation had been reversed. That didn't make it easier. "I don't want to be person you're grateful to because I beat up a huge metal knight inside your head. I want to be your boyfriend." He raked his free hand through his hair. "I want to know what it's like to curl up with you at night. But I'm scared to ask, because of what I saw in that world. Some days it feels like I'm scared of my own shadow. Or maybe Shadow. I just want to be the hero again."

"Oh, Akira." She pulled back her hand, and Akira heard rather than saw her stand up and walk to his side. Those warm fingers traced the line of his jaw until Akira shuddered and was forced to look up. Sae's smile was nervous. "And here I was afraid of hurting you. You can ask for anything you want."

"I can?"

"There's still a lot we need to talk about, but for now..." Sae pulled him to his feet and into her arms. Her mouth was even warmer and softer than her fingers and she tasted of tears, though whether they were his or hers Akira couldn't say. Her hands roamed his back and shoulders, tracing what was left of his muscles. Akira turned his mouth to the side and gently flicked his tongue against her mouth. And Sae..whimpered. Lust and elation slipped through where there had been only pain moments before. It wasn't the kind of power he had had in the Metaverse, but it was power and if we do for the moment.

He wasn't sure how long they stood like that, just kissing, but eventually Sae pulled back. He had seen that glint in her Shadow's eyes when she had goaded him into making a particularly disastrous bet, but never with a smile like that. She touched her swollen lips. "That was a nice start, but I want more." She sounded out of breath.

He was dreaming, he had to be. "More?"

"More. Everything you want to give me. "She took his hand and put it to her breast. Her shirt was thinner than he was used to. He could feel her beneath the fabric. Could imagine tweaking, kneading her.

"You're sure?" His mind was rapidly falling to pieces from more than just going crazy, but he had to at least try to be the gentleman instead of the horny teenager he was rapidly turning into. "The law-"

"Fuck the law." She growled. "The law broke us. If this is what you want, then take it. You've earned any reward you want." Her voice lowered to something husky that dug into his spirit and drew him away from the void into a torture that would be as exquisite as it was painful. "I've been thinking of what you could do to me ever since we met. The barista having me right there on the counter where anyone could walk in. Such a scandal. Such-"

Akira  _snapped_. He yanked at her clothing and nipped at her lips, with only instinct and manga he wasn't supposed to have to guide him. Whimpers became gasps and moans. She tangled her hands in his hair. "Yes," she whispered. "Just like that." Her shirt came off and the lean muscle of her body was revealed to him. Akira licked his lips. He wanted to devour her right here and now. And from the look on her face, she wanted to do the same to him.

She grabbed his hand and brought it to her breast. "Keep going." Akira wasn't sure he could've refused even if he'd wanted to. Her skin was hot and soft, every touch kindling an answering fire in him. She freed one hand to work on his own shirt. Their pants and gasps mingled together. Sae looked him up and down. The hunger in her eyes never wavered, even though he didn't have nearly as much muscle as he had had on Christmas Eve. A different kind of moan tore through him. Kamoshida, Kaneshiro, those things seem to have happen to another man. Akira had a lover who wanted him and who he wanted in return.

And who had had fantasies of him having sex with her on the counter. He grinned as she gasped again. He lived to serve. No way she could fit on the minibar, but they did have a nice, sturdy table. He backed her up and hoisted her onto the table. He had only the vaguest idea of what to do next, but he knew that he wanted her and that every noise she was making was gold to him, one small step in soothing the pain it caused her. His hands trailed to her waistband and-

"What are you guys-oh!"

Sae jerked away with such force that both of them almost lost their balance. Akira swore as heat flooded his face. Morgana sauntered to them casual as you please. He looked from Akira to Sae and back again and blinked. Sae stared back in stunned silence. Akira waited for the floor to swallow him whole, but no such relief was forthcoming. Maybe this was his punishment: an eternity of silence after being caught en flagrante by a talking cat who thought S&M were shirt sizes.

But Morgana smiled, and it was the most human smile that Akira had ever seen from him. "I told you that Ms Niijima would forgive you. But do you mind finishing this later? I'm supposed to chaperone you, and promised to take me to see the churches."

Akira couldn't help himself. He laughed as a little more of the emptiness sloughed off. "Right. I did promise that. Go back to my room and we'll be out in a minute." He knelt to scratch Morgana behind the ears. "And thanks, buddy."

Somehow, he and Sae managed to get their clothes back on without either spontaneously combusting or dying of embarrassment. Sae smoothed her hair and there was no trace of the woman who had almost driven him to madness except for the smile playing across her slightly swollen lips. "Feel better?"

"I don't have to explain the facts of life to my cat. I feel great." He squeezed her hand. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know we do still have a lot of work to do."

"We do. I really think you should take Arisato up on that offer of a Kirijo shrink. Maybe I should too. And if half of the rumors I hear about them are true, getting a psychiatrist out to your hometown for a while should be trivial."

Akira frowned. There was a part of him that still felt like it would be giving up, that he should have been strong enough to handle this on his own just like he had been strong enough to lead the Phantom Thieves. "You don't think less of me for it?"

"No more than I thought less of you for having burn scars because that detective shoved a cigarette onto you." Her thumb caressed little patterns on the back of his hand. "I do mean to keep you, for as long as you want me. You, not Joker. And I will tell you that every day in whatever way you need to hear it until you believe me. Including sex on the table if necessary."

Akira blinked at her. "You were hamming it up just now? Were you really thinking of sex back when we met?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Her tongue darted into his mouth. "Definitely thinking of it now. Been a while since I've had a boyfriend. Almost forgot I could ask for these things."

"More than ask." Akira drew her close and rested his face in the crook of her neck, warm and safe. "You're more than I deserve," he murmured Being so kind after yesterday."

"Kind? I know you don't like to hear about how grateful I am in addition to being hopelessly in love with you, but it's true. I'm only paying you back." She kissed the top of his head. "Ask Makoto what I did to make her charge into Kaneshiro's hideout if you don't believe me. And believe me when I say that I want you to get better and that you can get better."

"I'll try." He pulled back. "Now, I believe both you and Morgana said that you wanted to see the churches? And it's Sunday anyway, so I should go to Mass. Probably shouldn't receive, though"

"Because you yelled at me?"

"That too."

He had only dim memories of Nishizaka Church. Sunlight glinting off the towers, staring in disgust and delight at a bit bone from one of the martyrs, studying at a painting of another of those martyrs stabbed and crucified. The reality of eleven o'clock on a Sunday morning in the middle of March was something else. The church was more crowded than the one at home had ever been, maybe half full and mostly foreigners on vacation. He frowned as a blond man still wearing his shoes took pictures on his phone. "I didn't know the shrine was part of the touristy area."

Sae shifted. "You'll have to tell me how to behave. The closest I've ever been to a service is a few Christian-style weddings."

"You don't have to come, you know. You can wait outside and we can go to the museum after."

"It's part of what makes you who you are. I want to see it up close, even if I don't believe." She squeezed his hand. "Besides, it means I can ask you to go with me to the kickboxing tournament next week in good conscience."

He tried to find comfort in the confiteor, in the familiar rituals of standing, sitting, and kneeling, in Morgana peeking out of his coat and asking a hundred questions. This had been part of his family for centuries upon centuries. Some of them had died for it. He knelt for the words of consecration. Maybe he wasn't white his family had wanted him to be, but he appreciated traditions that reminded him that the world was more than cognition and there was some part of it that couldn't be wiped out by the will of a lunatic.

"On the night He was betrayed and entered willingly into His Passion…"

_Akechi smiled at him as the chandelier crashed to the casino floor. "Good luck! We'll definitely meet again."_

Akira blinked. No, he would not let the past carry him away so soon after he and Sae made some kind of progress. He bit his lip, letting the pain anchor him to the present and looked around. The blond was talking in a low voice to the woman next to him about a trip to Kyoto they were hoping to take. Really, why even bother to go to church? But he focused on them just the same because it was better than the alternative.

He stayed behind as the priest and the other worshipers filed out. Morgana poked his head further out of Akira's coat. "That was pretty neat. Weird, but neat. So you guys come here every week to get hope?"

"Something like that. Not all gods are like the one we fought, and I want to make this one happy." He could practically hear his childhood catechists screaming in his ear, but it wasn't like they taught First Communion for Felines. "Especially when people suffered so much to allow it."

"The dying you told me about? But this was pretty. Why hurt people for this?"

"Sometimes people get scared of people who don't fit in to society. Sometimes they even have a good reason, but it still hurts. There's a museum a few steps from here if you want to see."

Morgana opened his mouth, but it was Sae who answered. "Yes, I think I would like to see," she said with an odd look on her face.

They trudged outside and further up the hill to the museum. The titular twenty-six martyrs had been engraved on a nearby monument. They all looked terribly peaceful and holy, not like men who had been put on crosses and stabbed to death because some ship captain was desperate to get his money back and had told the shogun the Spanish used missionaries to soften up other countries.

Light from stained glass windows fell on the exhibits. About twenty or so visitors, mostly European or American, milled around the statues, medals, and paintings. Akira answered Sae and Morgana's questions as best he could. Yes, that was real blood on the handkerchief and yes people did think it could perform miracles. No, his ancestors hadn't engaged in any daring smuggling of Jesuits so far as he knew. They had been simple farmers and by the time Japan had been reopened to the outside world, their worship had degenerated to honoring saints the way most people did their ancestors.

"But they were still willing to die for it?" Morgana asked somberly. "Sort of like how we were willing to die for what we thought was the truth?"

"I don't think they would appreciate the comparison."

"But still, that takes courage. They survived and had you and now we're walking around a church. You won!"

He looked at a painting of Saint Paul Miki as he hung on the cross bleeding. Would he have considered a half million Catholics and people having Christian-style weddings because they were cheaper winning? It felt more like a time-limit draw at best, not losing as badly as they could have at worst.

_That sounds about right. The world not being stuck in Mementos is your one real accomplishment._

"Hey, is that one of your Personas?"

Akira shook his head against the voice in his mind and followed Morgana's gaze to a nearby statue of a kind-faced woman in robes. Her face was half melted. "Not quite. The Kakure Kirishitans dressed up statues of the Virgin Mary to look like Kannon so they could pray in peace. Not the same entity that saved my bacon in Futaba's Palace."

"Excuse me," said a voice in English. "You're blocking the aisle and we want to get a picture."

Akira turned. It was the blond from Mass. He'd already whipped out his phone and was tapping his foot impatiently. Akira gestured to a nearby sign in Japanese, English, and Korean. "No pictures."

"What? Do you work here or something? We paid good money for this tour and we want a picture!"

What was it with Americans? No, not Americans. People. The world was filled with miniature Shidos and Sugimuras who broke the rules not because the rules were evil, but because they kept them from getting something they felt entitled to. This was what his ancestors had suffered and died for: for their descendants to die in nuclear fire and for the ones who survived that to become a tourist trap with their broken rosaries and melted statues. He had suffered for...for...

Not again. Akira groped blindly for Sae's hand. "Help me," he rasped.

Sae's eyes widened for the briefest of moments before she straightened her shoulders and took a half step forward. "I would do as the gentleman requests. We take our cultural artifacts seriously, and it would be my duty as a prosecutor to punish you if you failed to comply with regulations."

The American paled at the word _prosecutor._  "No need for that, ma'am. Muriel and I were just leaving." He grabbed his wife by the hand and all but scurried out the door.

Akira let out a shuddering breath. "Thank you," he whispered.

"My pleasure. I knew those advanced English classes would come in handy." She softened. "What was it?"

"I don't even know this time. Just people being jerks I guess. I'm doomed."

"No, you aren't. If I have to carve a path into the Velvet Room and get a Persona myself, I will find a way to get you treatment. It's posttraumatic stress disorder. Just tell me what you need."

What he needed. He looked again at the relics on display. So much bloodshed contained here, and the echoes trembled down to the present day. And for what?  _Please, I need this to matter. I need what I went through to have a purpose._  "I just need something to go right. And I think maybe… maybe I do need that help. I tried to put a few hundred kilometers between me and this crap, and it still followed me here." More of the hollowness filled, but he felt like he'd swam to China and back twice over.

They didn't go to more shrines. Instead, they went to an art museum and laughed at how Yusuke would lecture them for not understanding a thing they were seeing. Sae bought a paperweight and Akira grabbed a collection of the tackiest T-shirts he could find as souvenirs to bring back. For a little while, he felt almost normal.

The address Arisato had given Akira led them to a public hall| not far from Hypocenter Park. About twenty people had joined them for the lecture. Most looked as if they had taken one look at a fortuneteller like Chihaya and decided they were going to do one better at looking as occult and nonconformist as possible, but a few were people he would have passed in the supermarket without a second glance. People with pale, nervous faces who wore an expression Akira knew all too well: they had seen something and remembered it. Sae and Akira took seats on the aisle.

A woman slid next to him, and Akira forgot how to breathe. It was Tenaba. She looked even paler and more exhausted than she had this morning. She started when she saw Akira. "Mr. Kurusu?"

Akira took a moment to still the hammering in his chest. "Hi."

"My boyfriend was laughing when he came home yesterday. Something about a 'weak boy who couldn't control his girlfriend and threw up all over the carpet.' Was that you? He's talking about suing you."

"Well, good thing I gave him a fake name." Akira tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it felt stiff. "He didn't...he didn't take it out on you, did he?"

"I think he thought it was funny. You really can't save people anymore, can you?" She sounded small, weak, defeated. "I'm stuck with him."

"No, you aren't." His nails dug into the armrest. "There's a way to stop him. I just know it." _One good thing, it's all I ask. Show me how to keep her safe._

Before Tenaba could say anything else, Arisato shuffled to the podium. He didn't seem to have had a good day, either, and was leaning on his cane more heavily than Akira remembered. "Good evening." Even his voice sounded weaker. "Most of you are here tonight because you intuit that there are worlds beyond our own, that mere physical laws cannot explain what has happened. You've heard about Apathy Syndrome, the murderers in Inaba, or The Phantom Thieves. Maybe they've touched your life in some small way. And you just know that there was magic involved. Some god was manipulating things behind the scenes. And you were right."

Chatter broke out in the audience, and Akira leaned forward in his seat. He'd not given much thought to what Arisato would say, but just acknowledging the supernatural hadn't been it.

Arisato continued, "But if you're looking for magicians who throw fireballs or gods that throw thunderbolts, you're looking in the wrong place. This magic comes from the human heart. If there's anything flashy going on, it's not something most people are going to be able to see. We can feel the aftereffects. All of us collectively, our desires, we cause these incidents."

There was a scoffing noise behind Akira. "If I wanted self-help claptrap, I'd talk to a shrink."

Arisato must have heard it, because his eyes flashed. "You think I'm talking about some wishy-washy motivational poster stuff? Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm telling you that every time you follow some celebrity because you don't want to think for yourself or stick your fingers in your ears because the truth is just so hard, you—yes, you personally—are bringing the world a little closer to ending."

His gaze found Akira's, and his voice grew a little louder and Akira could almost see the boy who had led his friends into battle. "But I am also telling you that every time you refuse to give into despair, every time you help your neighbor, every time you fight for what's right, then you are fighting the forces of evil. A handful of children with magic powers may put their finger in the dam, but the truth is that ultimately our destiny isn't decided by some ice or lightning but by the small choices we make every day. That power of our hearts never goes away."

Sae's hand found his. "He's right, you know. We've just got to keep hacking away at the weeds. Become defense attorneys who lose cases and prosecutors who bring evil to justice."

"I know," he said. And he did know. Now if he could just believe. And find some way to help Tenaba.

"Is that all true?" Tenaba asked. "What I did helped make all those things happen?"

Akira thought of Yaldaboath on that last day. " _I grant human wishes, and what they wish for is a strong leader who will think for them."_  "Not just you. It's more of a collective desire thing. Sometimes, some of us can just manipulate it for good."

"But still, my desires? That's how you were able to do what you did? Because of ordinary people?"

Another memory.  _Mishima raised his fist to the sky. "Come on Phantom Thieves! I believe in you!" Pain sloughed from Akira and he found strength to stand._  Yes. The belief of ordinary people gave me the power to save the world. I bet it was the same for Arisato."

She looked down. "Then every time I give into him, I'm help something evil. Oh, I wish I could be a hero like you."

"Maybe you can be." Sae turned in her seat. "I've already made one arrest that I knew wouldn't stick for the greater good. I don't think I would have enough to get a conviction, but it might be enough to buy time to find something else and for you to leave. If you were willing to testify."

"Testify?" Her eyes were wide with terror. "I—he'll take everything away from me. Or kill me."

"He might do that anyway. Men like him never stop on their own."

"But-"

"You said you were a fan of the Phantom Thieves?" Akira fixed Tenaba with his gaze and hoped some of the old charisma was still there. "Then you know we stole Kunikazu Okumura's heart. But the reason we did was because he was forcing his daughter to marry Sugimura. He treated her just like he's treating you. And in the end, we didn't stop him. Her lawyers did."

Sae took a case from her purse. "I'm not planning to be with the prosecutors office for much longer, but while I am I promise I will do everything I can to help you. If you need anything at all, call me."

Tenaba looked at the card. "I—I'll think about it."

"Do you think she will?" Akira asked Sae later. They stood outside the hall, waiting for Arisato. Akira fiddled with the tarot deck. Spiked punch sounded pretty good at the moment.

Sae pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't know. It's always risky to speak out in these cases. The world says it's shameful, private. She's just supposed to take it. And when they do say something, the office pulls some kid fresh off their legal internship to prosecute it. I was just trying to keep hope alive."

"Yeah." Akira leaned back against the wall and stared at the sky. He'd lost count of the number of husbands, boyfriends, and girlfriends the Phantom Thieves had brought to justice because the rest of the world was more concerned with saving face. "You really think I'd be such a wonderful prosecutor? Then that's the division I want. They deserve someone who wants to fight for them." A laugh tore from his throat. "Great. Now I have to get better."

"You will." Sae squeezed his hand. "I'm going to go see what's keeping Arisato." She walked back in the direction of the entrance and disappeared inside.

Arisato. His fellow Wild Card who had returned from the dead and was on his way to a happy marriage. Who could get Akira treatment so maybe he and Sae could get a happy ending too. He would find a way to do good and silence the demon within.

_No you won't._

Akira stood very still. Thoughts like that had been constant since his release, but this time they were almost audible. A deep and very familiar voice echoed within him. "You," Akira whispered and dropped into a fighting stance.

Yaldabaoth laughed.  _Indeed, mortal. Did you imagine that you had destroyed me? It was as you told the woman: the human desire for a strong ruler persists. My decree remains absolute. It has been amusing watching my supposed conqueror go mad._

Akira's breath came in pants. The fake god was back. But Akira had beaten him once. How strong could he be if he had moved from trying to destroy the world to tormenting one man? "You just don't know when to quit, do you? Looks like I have to kick your ass again. "

_In this world? Without a Persona? You've felt the Shadow within. You are corrupted, and you've been battling the truth since my imagined defeat. Human desires have not changed because humans are incapable of changing. The strong brutalize the weak and the weak cower in their wake because that is what humanity desires._

His head hurt. It wasn't true. It couldn't be true."I seem to remember humanity picking us. I shot you in the head and everything."

_They chose a charismatic champion. Nothing has changed. Observe._

Time slowed, and Akira's vision and hearing sharpened. A few intersections over, a man and a woman argued on the corner. No, not just a man and a woman. Sugimura gripped Tenaba's arm as she struggled fruitlessly in his grasp. "You bitch!" he growled. "I knew there was something strange about you speaking with that boy! You dared cheat on me, you little whore!"

"No, I-"

"Shut up!" His slap rang in Akira's ears as Tenaba recoiled. Rage swept over him. Someone should tear that rat limb from limb. He took a step forward.

_Fool. I told you nothing had changed._  Akira's vision shifted to two police officers on patrol. _They will do his bidding, just as their colleagues cowered before Shido. No one will help her._

Akira kept walking.

Yaldabaoth's laughter was louder this time.  _And so you repeat history. Do you want to lose what's left of your sanity for nothing? There will be no Phantom Thieves this time, no glory. You will be locked away for another few years. You know what happened last time._

Akira stopped. He knew what would happen. The emptiness would come from him again.

_Just so. The girl won't defend you. The woman you love is powerless to save you. You will suffer for nothing, just as those martyrs did. Their god does not exist and their faith was destroyed in fire._

"Please, no. Let me go!"

Akira took a deep breath. Anything he could do would be futile. He would break himself for nothing. And yet… and yet... There was a woman in pain. Just now, in that moment, he could stop that pain. It was that simple. He could make no lasting change, bring no one to justice, but he could do that.

_What do you think you're doing?_

"Something stupid." He charged forward and pulled Sugimura away with a shout. Sugimura went flying and hit his head on the pavement. Tenaba gasped in pain and surprise as she staggered backwards. Blood trickled on the pavement.

"I—you-" she whispered.

Sugimura swore and hauled himself to his knees. Blood streamed down his face from a gash on his forehead. "Do you have any idea who I—oh you're the weakling who decided he could poach on my property. Well, you've stepped in it now. The police belong to me."

As if on cue, the two officers Akira had seen rushed onto the scene. The younger blanched at the blood. "Mr. Sugimura? What happened to you?" He cleared his throat. "I mean, what is the meaning of this?"

Sugimura's voice was thick with false grief and outrage. "I was out walking with my girlfriend, and this...this miscreant attacked us. He threw me to the pavement. I believe he meant to assault my poor Saki."

"Well, that's it then," said the younger officer. "Come along, you."

"Hold on," said the older officer. "We have to follow protocol." He turned to Akira. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

_See? Everything is as it was. I shall enjoy watching you go mad in the darkness._

Silence fell over the street. Just like last time, and the yet different somehow. He had faith his choice, and there was no point puking all over the pavement. He'd already made one futile, noble gesture. One more wouldn't hurt. "I saw him hitting this woman, so I pulled him off her. He lost his balance and hit the pavement." He met the officers' gazes. "He's the one you should arrest."

"You can't possibly take his word over mine. What are you waiting for? Arrest him!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sugimura. There are rules. Ma'am can you corroborate either of these stories?"

Akira's gaze met Tenaba. She looked as frightened as always, an ordinary girl in thrall to malevolent forces she had no hope of defeating. This was what he had chosen to sacrifice his mind for. She exhaled. "A hero," she whispered. Then, louder, but with her voice still trembling: "My boyfriend hit me. This young man saw and tried to save me."

"What?" Akira and Sugimura said at the same time.

"I'm tired of him hurting me, and I want you to take him to jail."

Sugimura recovered before Akira did. He rounded on her furiously, the blood dripping from his face making him look like some demon made flesh. "You will pay for that! These men won't dare lay a finger on me. You're nothing! Both of you!"

"Oh, I wouldn't say nothing," said Sae from behind Akira. "Sae Niijima, Special Investigations Unit. I believe I heard a criminal complaint, officers." Akira half turned. Sae and Arisato stood there, looking grimly pleased with themselves. He wondered how much they had overheard.

The color drained from the officers' faces. "What's Special Investigations doing all the way out here?"

"I was on vacation, but Sugimura and his father have been on our radar for some time." She and Arisato looked at each other. "I recently obtained the cooperation of the Kirijo Group."

"We have an interest as good corporate citizens in seeking lawbreakers brought to justice," Arisato added. "And hitting women? That's a special kind of disgusting."

K-kirijo?" Sweat broke out on the older officer's face. "Forget it, Sugimura. Your father can fight them if he wants, but it's not worth my hide. I'm going to have to ask you to come with us." He and his partner grabbed Sugimura and dragged him away.

Akira's knees buckled. "What was that?" he asked no one in particular.

Tenaba looked down. "You did so much for me. I had to try to be a little like you."

"Looks like humanity has some strength after all," Akira whispered. "Stay dead this time."

The silence was his answer.

"If you're worried about reprisals," Arisato was saying, "we have some connections in the prefecture. I should be able to make sure your job and rent aren't affected. And we'll do our best to help find evidence to make sure something sticks on Sugimura this time. Mitsuru is going to love that part," he said dryly.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" She bowed hastily. "And thank you, Mr. Kurusu. For everything."

"Mitsuru is going to kill me," Arisato said when she'd gone. He raked his free hand through his hair. "She hates it when we make a public scene. The things I let you and Sakura talk me into. She already thought the talk was going too far."

"Wait, how do you know Sojiro?" That was where Akira had heard the name  _Kirijo_ : he and Sae had been talking about right before he agreed that she could take Akira to Nagasaki. "Why was this? Some kind of weird set-up intervention?"

"He had contacts with us from his old job. He heard about me. It was garbled but enough for him to put two and two together, and he asked me to talk to you."

Sae looked embarrassed. "We both knew that you were in pain, and we wanted to help you. And we thought it'd be easier to talk to someone away from Tokyo. You needed a break. We didn't know how sick you were, and we certainly didn't expect Sugimura."

"So, weird intervention. Got it."

"Says the man's whose plan to save me involved getting shot in the Metaverse."

"Touché." Akira slouched against the nearest wall. He knew that Sojiro and Sae loved him but the kind of love that dealt with powerful and shadowy corporations or ran off to Nagasaki on an hour's notice didn't happen every day. He looked up. _Thank you. I'll try to be worthy of everything You've given me._  "Thank you both so much. I guess we need to talk about the psychiatrist now."

"Drinks first, psychiatrist later." Arisato smiled. "And if you brought my tarot cards, maybe now you'll play a game of poker. And I can show you what a real Wild Card can do."

Akira threaded his fingers with Sae's and squeezed. It wouldn't be easy, but they would make it. He'd ask her to spend the night tonight, and it sounded like she would say yes. The first step of the rest of their lives. "My friend, you have no idea what you're in for."


End file.
